The amount of stupid in this game hurts my soul

I've picked up Pokemon Soul Silver recently and playing through it has been a very strange experience.

On the one hand, it's an awesome trip down nostalgia lane with a new modern flare.

On the other hand, it has become increasingly clear that they've managed to butcher every opportunity for dialogue in ways never before imagined.

Here's a good example from early on in the game. When you receive an egg from Mr. Pokemon, you have to take it to Professor Elm. This is the strange guy who decided it was a good idea to provide me with my own personal monster who could very easily burn any given town until it was nothing more than a black scorch on the earth where nothing would grow for generations as a monument to my hatred, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

So yes, you get an egg and then this professor manages to somehow know immediately and gives you a call. Presumably you relay what little information about the egg you have to him and he tells you to come back to his lab. Upon arriving he gets more excited. In fact he gets a little too excited:

Professor Elm:

"You are making me all excited!

I'll give you a present for that.

Take it!"

The underlying subtext is of course: "in the ass".

This is what our semi-parental mentor/authority figure is saying to our pre-pubescent protagonist. There's something wrong here.

The stupid doesn't stop there though. Not only do we have pedophiles handing out behemoths of destruction, but we also have plenty of NPCs with logic that would drive any sane person to homicide.

I recently ran across a flowershop in Goldenrod City. The shop-keeper had this to say:

"Apparently there is an odd tree on Route 36.

They say it dances when you water it...

Oh, of course not!

This is a Flower Shop, so we do have watering cans and things like that...

But I cannot let you have one!

It's too dangerous!

Hmmm...

Well, maybe if you manage to defeat the Goldenrod Gym Leader, it might be OK..."

In case you are wondering, yes that quote is verbatim. Nothing was omitted from start to finish.

Where to start with this clusterfuck? How about the "Oh, of course not". What the hell is that even referencing? Did they forget part of the script? Was this a translation problem or did the script just not make any sense to begin with?

Then there's the matter of her trying to tell me I can't have a watering can because it's too dangerous! Seriously, what kind of reasoning is that? Do all your customers have to go beat up gym leaders in order to purchase basic gardening equipment? Maybe she's just afraid of letting me get ahold of a blunt metal object because she knows when I do I'm going to splatter her face across the front store window and grind the rest of her up to help grow all her plants.

Holy hell game, you could at least try. Here's a good alternative: Oh sorry, we're out of stock. Of course they only magically restock once you beat the gym leader but at least it'd make more sense than trying to tell me watering cans are too dangerous for people who haven't beaten up little girls who play dress-up with their pokemon.