Right as I hit the Pokemon Center I get to hear about "Kimono Girls" dancing...and their Pokemon. Ok so maybe it's some sort of festival dance show or whatnot.
An old man standing outside the dance theater:
"Hmm...
I thought I just heard a woman scream or something...
Is that just me?"
Is this such a common occurrence that you don't feel the need to investigate? I suppose informing random children wandering by is about as effective as reporting a possible crime to a police officer in this world. Especially since the police are more likely to just beat the old man up with a fire breathing hell hound than actually take any action that might result in discovering what's going on.
"Oh!
That's a nice Pokemon you're walking with!
They make you feel uplifted, don't they?
They give us the hope of the light, so to speak.
Speaking of the light, I heard something about the Lighthouse of Olivine.
The Pokemon that serves as the beacon has fallen ill.
Sounds like it's in trouble."
Sounds like innuendo and a poorly contrived segue. Next time just spit out your standard NPC "go here next" dialogue. Your attempts at creating conversation are a miserable failure.
Oh hey, this looks like a Burlesque house to me.
Upon entering I hear someone heckling the dancers. Turns out it's a member of Team Rocket:
"HEY! HEY!
Stop dancing such a serious dance!
Show me something like a hula dance!"
At least he's up front about wanting his pole dancing, unlike the rest of the faceless mooks in the joint.
Kimono girl:
"...You mustn't push such a request on me."
'Request' is clearly a euphemism, I don't think I need to elaborate.
Rocket:
"Huh?
Are you telling me you don't respect what the customer wants?
Well, then I'll show you how to dance.
I'll show you a great one.
Wahahaha!"
And then we all got to enjoy the Team Rocket striptease, much to the dismay of the customers who wanted to ogle the kimono girl instead and were secretly rooting for the Team Rocket thug.
"Oh... Ouch...!
This stomachache!
I wouldn't let this guy act like that were it not for this pain...!"
Flimsy excuses 101: Make it remotely plausible. If you're in that much pain you're not out at a show. Just one more example of the citizens of this world being utterly incapable of acting for themselves.
"What's the deal with that Team Rocket Grunt, messing with my Kimono Girl?
You are a Trainer, aren't you?
Please help her!"
Lecherous old man, check.
He does seem to be exercising a modicum of logic though. It does make more sense for the child armed with the creatures of Ragnarok to intervene rather than a frail and impotent NPC. His death shall be swift and relatively painless.
Ok, time to mess this place up. What does Kimono Girl have to say for herself?
"..."
Nothing apparently, she can be the first in line to the slaughter then.
Rocket:
"Huh? Who are you?
You dare to get in my way?"
Well yeah, seeing as how I didn't come here to see your pole-dancing. Since there's no security anywhere in the world it's up to us pre-pubescent children to become the bouncers of today's night clubs.
An insultingly short battle later:
"Looks like I lost..."
Check out Captain Obvious over here.
"Oh, no!
You make me look like a villain!"
1. That's not how that phrase works. There is no pause between words, it's one continuous statement.
2. You already looked like one. Wearing the "I am a criminal" company uniform does that.
"Oops!
I have an important mission."
Feeling up all the women in town?
"If they find out I was wasting time here, they'll make me start over as the lowest Team Rocket Grunt!
I better leave now!"
That's got to be a hell of an accomplishment considering how lowly every last one of them is. We're talking world class incompetence here.
Our lovely maiden seems rather unphased by the events that just took place.
"You must be Cid, correct?
That was indeed excellent.
Kind and strong...
Good at raising Pokemon as well...
That person does know what to look for in people...
Ohoho!
That was just me talking to myself.
Never mind."
Must resist urge to kill, must maintain illusion of sanity...
Oh it's no use. The ellipses are just too much along with the complete disconnect from the English language, not to mention reality. Also it appears that she might have actually been referring to the Rocket grunt, which makes me wonder if she really needed saving in the first place. I can't take it anymore. I should have let the Rocket just have his way with her. At least then we'd have an NPC taking decisive action to further their own agenda.
Lecherous old man from before:
"Wonderful!
You were so courageous for your age!
It was a rare sight to see!
I want you to have this.
Don't be shy--take it!"
No old man, I don't swing that way!
Oh, you just meant HM03. I guess I can live with that, just don't expect any favors later.
More old man:
"Not only are the Kimono Girls great dancers, they're also skilled at Pokemon.
But they battle only for good reasons.
I don't know if you could defeat them if they showed what they can do..."
So they're either into bestiality or they're going to molest me in lieu of actually battling me.
Got it.
No one's pants are safe in this game.
